Detroit Lions Draft Crying Man on Telephone

ebronJWith the tenth pick in the 2014 NFL draft, The Detroit Lions chose a crying man who was talking on the telephone. It is not known what the man was crying about or why the Lions would select a crying man, but he was rather large and the selection was immediately debated throughout football.
“No one on the Lions has those skills,” said ESPN draft analyst Jon Gruden. “Does Megatron cry like that? Matthew Stafford? No. This guy fills a real need. I don’t know who he is or how he got here, but you have to like his emotion.”

ESPN’s Mel Kiper panned the pick, however.

“Why pick a crying guy? Why do it?” he said. “I want to cry all the time. I’m so empty inside. But no one is drafting me.”

Lions general manager Martin Mayhew said the team had actual football players in mind at No. 10, but when he saw the crying man, he knew the pick he had to make.

“Why would such a giant of a man be sobbing like that?” said Mayhew. “It was quite a sight to see. I felt that I had to do what I could to try to cheer him up. There are bigger things than a football draft, you know? So I selected the crying man. Unfortunately, he just kept crying. I’m afraid he may be dealing with some serious depression issues.”

“That said,” Mayhew continued, “I can picture him holding a game winning touchdown and crying. Or even holding the Lombardi Trophy and crying. That would be great.”

After the selection, the Lions took the crying man on the telephone to a psychiatric hospital for evaluation. His identity is still unknown.

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Also see …

Honest 2014 Draft Headlines

PICTURE: The Browns even managed to screw up drafting Johnny Manziel

SP’s 2014 NFL Draft page