1. The Houston Texans know who they want to take with the No. 1 overall pick unless they change their mind or trade it.
2. St. Louis Rams general manager Les Snead has been having a dream lately in which he flies at a great speed through space while having no teeth and a mermaid tail. He is trying to get this dream interpreted in time for the draft in case it’s somehow telling him who to take.
3. The Jacksonville Jaguars plan to take the best player available and are currently asking all the prospects if they know who the best player is. So far they’ve gotten a lot of different answers.
4. The Cleveland Browns are planning to put their draft on auto-pick after their selection at No. 4 because they have tickets for a late Broadway show.
5. The Oakland Raiders are currently leading towards Taylor Lewan because he’s the player their graphics department was able to make the best Photoshop of in a Raiders uniform for a tweet announcing the pick.
6. Atlanta Falcons general manager Thomas Dimitroff says the team is leaning towards taking someone with “big strong muscles” in the 1st Round, but haven’t narrowed it down beyond that.
7. Tampa Bay Buccaneers general manager Jason Licht says team will “very likely” take Jadeveon Clowney if he is still available at No. 7 or when the Bucs draft again at No. 38.
8. Minnesota Vikings general manager Rick Spielman says he interviewed several top prospects again and feels he is a remarkably good interviewer and should be considered as a replacement for Craig Ferguson on CBS.
9. The Buffalo Bills are looking to select a player who already has a passport, as that would really cut down on paperwork before the team plays in Toronto this year.
10. The Detroit Lions are looking to take a player from a losing program, as successful players often struggle to adjust to the overwhelming sense of failure that comes with being a Detroit Lion.
11. Tennessee Titans general manager Ruston Webster says the team is looking to take a quarterback, but asked for that information to be kept quiet since it “would probably hurt Jake Locker‘s feelings and I’m bad with confrontation.”
12. No one answered a call in the New York Giants front office, but a lady named Cheryl in the ticket office said season ticket packages are still available.
13. Les Snead said he “has no idea who the Rams will take at No. 13 since making one first round pick is hard enough. We’ll probably just choose whoever Mel Kiper’s last mock draft has slated for us, assuming he’s still available. If not … panic, I guess.”
14. Chicago Bears general manager Phil Emery says he plans to do something “very dramatic at the last minute” in hopes of being the subject of a “Draft Day” sequel. “I see George Clooney in my role,” he said.
15. According to several sources inside the Pittsburgh Steelers front office, the team plans to take the best future Hall of Famer available.
16. Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones says the team will take Subway’s new Flatizza with the 16th pick as part of a multimillion dollar marketing deal.
17. The Baltimore Ravens are reportedly trying to package their 1st and 2nd round picks in exchange for all the players they lost from their 2012 team when they were good.
18. The New York Jets are evaluating players using a new proprietary statistical model that grades prospects based solely on their performances in the 3-cone drill, broad jump and strength of handshake.
19. Miami Dolphins sources say they’re looking for a “Dan Marino type” at No. 19 or “anywhere in the draft.”
20. Arizona Cardinals general manager Steve Keim is re-interviewing all of the team’s primary targets because he said the last time he talked to them they just “nerded out” on HBO’s True Detective and “never really got to football.”
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