Florida State quarterback Jameis Winston was issued a citation by Tallahassee Police on Tuesday for stealing crab legs from a Publix supermarket. But today the TPD have cleared Winston after the stolen crab refused to cooperate with the investigation.
“It’s obviously not something we can make stick if the crab won’t go on the record and press charges,” said Chief of Police Michael DeLeo. “As far as we our concerned, Mr. Winston is cleared of all wrongdoing and the case is finished.”
DeLeo also said he put his best detective on the case in hopes of getting the crab to speak, but had no luck.
“We did the whole good cop, bad cop routine and not a word from the crab,” he said. “So I don’t want to hear anyone say we’re letting Mr. Winston off because he’s a football star. If the crab had said a single allegation against him, he’d be in handcuffs right now. But the crab just laid there on the floor in the interrogation room, not even moving. We simply can’t charge Mr. Winston without an accuser.”
The Tallahassee Police also brought Winston in for questioning.
“It was nice,” said the quarterback. “They asked me some questions over a big crab dinner. Questions about the BCS title game and what it’s like to be awesome. Then they had me sign stuff. Not an admission of wrongdoing or anything. Just photos, magazines, footballs. Stuff like that.”
Winston was then sent home with the crab in question.
“It was clear Jameis cared a lot for the crab, so we let him take it home,” said Chief DeLeo. “You’d think the crab would be more grateful to be desired by a football star.”
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