Cleveland Indians Hoping to Draw Fans with New Bacon-Wrapped, Deep-Fried Outfielder

Bacon OFThe Cleveland Indians have debuted a new player the organization hopes will boost the organization’s stagnant attendance, a bacon-wrapped outfielder that can run, catch and hit while also smelling like delicious bacon.

“There’s an element of people who come to a MLB ballpark just because they love baseball,” said Indians general manager Chris Antonetti. “We have those fans. But there are also people who only come to games for fireworks and mascots and free t-shirts and foods wrapped in bacon and fried, and we need those people to fill seats and create an electric atmosphere at the ballpark. Our new player will be someone both groups should like.”

Dubbed “The Bacon-Wrapped Ballplayer,” the new Indians outfielder is just regular right fielder Elliot Johnson wrapped in bacon.

“It’s not an ideal situation,” said Johnson. “It’s hard to maneuver out there with all the bacon wrapped around me. And my hands get greasy, which makes swinging the bat and throwing a ball extra challenging. But I know we’re not a big-budget team. These are the kinds of things you have to do.”

Fans will also get to line up after every home game for an opportunity to break off a piece of the The Bacon-Wrapped Ballplayer’s crispy exoskeleton and eat it.

“I’m not a huge fan of having to play a guy wrapped in bacon,” said manager Terry Francona. “But the way they sold it to me is that if we sell more tickets, we’ll have money to maybe acquire a big-name player. Someone like David Price or Andre Ethier could really help us, even if they have to play wrapped in bacon.”

– – – – –

Also see … 

VIDEO: Cleveland TV sports talk guy fed up with idiot fans

PICTURE: Cleveland Indians are clearly desperate for ratings

SP’s MLB page