Baltimore Orioles: A major portion of your annual income is made from selling your tickets to Yankees and Red Sox fans when the Yankees and Red Sox are in town.
Boston Red Sox: You think the Academy Awards should give away an Oscar for “Best Boston Movie” every year.
Chicago White Sox: Your favorite part of every baseball season is the continued existence of the Cubs.
Cleveland Indians: You hope that one day the other two teams in Cleveland can be run as adequately as the Indians.
Detroit Tigers: Most of your sexual fantasies include Kate Upton and/or Justin Verlander.
Houston Astros: You have been in a coma since about 2006. (Everyone is pulling for you!)
Kansas City Royals: You think this could be the year. But you know, deep inside, that it probably won’t be.
Los Angeles Angels: You don’t necessarily believe in angels, but you believe in God because you have seen him and his name is Mike Trout.
Minnesota Twins: You’ve started to think that twins aren’t so much a miracle of creation, but more a horrific genetic mutation.
New York Yankees: You grew up in or near New York City. Or you were the biggest front-running douche in your whole school in the ’90s.
Oakland Athletics: When you don’t go to games and watch at home, you take a dump on your living room carpet to get that authentic ballpark smell.
Seattle Mariners: You’re very likely going to become a Texas Rangers fan if you see Russell Wilson in their uniform again.
Tampa Bay Rays: To you, the sounds of baseball are the crack of the bat, the pop of the mitt and the buzz of old people snoring in the stands.
Texas Rangers: You hope the Rangers are eliminated in time for Prince Fielder to try out for the Cowboys at defensive tackle.
Toronto Blue Jays: You wonder if Rob Ford smokes crack with GM Alex Anthopoulos.
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