A Complete Rundown of Every Team Tony Romo Has Caused to Lose by His Very Presence

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Dallas Cowboys

No need to provide a lot of details here. His history with the Cowboys is well known. The Cowboys get in contention for a playoff spot. Romo begins chucking horrible interceptions. The Cowboys miss the playoffs.

Same thing every year.

Moving along …

Duke Basketball


When Romo destroyed them: On March 8, 2014, Tony Romo brought Jason Garrett with him — for extra failing power! — to a Duke-North Carolina basketball game. Shockingly, Duke won the game.

What terrible Romo-esque fate soon befell them: Eight days later, Duke lost the ACC title game to Virginia. Five days after that, the Blue Devils were bounced from the 1st Round of the NCAA Tournament by 14-seed Mercer. Duke had 12 turnovers in the game, including four by supposed star Jabari Parker, who had an awful, Romoian game.

Dallas Stars


When Romo destroyed them: On January 21, 2014, Romo attended a Dallas Stars game against the Minnesota Wild. In a huge upset over Tony Romo, the Stars won.

What terrible Romo-esque fate soon befell them: In classic Romo-style, on April 27th, the Stars blew a two-goal lead in the final two minutes of a playoff elimination game, and then promptly saw their season end in overtime. So Romo.

SMU Basketball


When Romo destroyed them: On March 25th, Romo took in an SMU basketball game with fellow harbinger of doom Garrett again. And again Romo wore his Hat of Death. Top seed SMU slipped by Cal in the game by two points to advance to the NIT Final Four.

What terrible Romo-esque fate soon befell them: Despite being a team many thought belonged in the NCAA Tournament — and entering the NIT title game as the favorite at 27-9 —  just eight days after being visited by Romo, the Mustangs lost to Minnesota on a last-minute three-pointer.

Indiana Pacers


When Romo destroyed them: On April 24th, ESPN ran a graphic in which they accidentally placed Romo’s headshot where a picture of Pacers’ head coach Frank Vogel was supposed to go. Accident? Or has Tony Romo’s fail power spread into the ether, infecting anything and everything it wants, from teams to computer systems? Transcendence.

What terrible Romo-esque fate soon befell them: The Pacers, the No. 1 seed in the East, struggled mightily to get through the first two round of the playoffs against the lowly Hawks and mediocre Wizards. They faced the two-time defending champion Heat in the next round, and humiliated themselves with their behavior and play, and got annihilated in their elimination game by 25 points.

Dallas Mavericks


When Romo destroyed them: On April 28, 2014, Romo brought teammate Jason Witten to a Mavericks playoff game, no doubt looking to expand the Cowboy doom squad beyond just himself and Garrett. He also wore his trademark Hat of Death, with a design very similar to the twig sculptures in “True Detective.” Is Tony Romo the Yellow King?

What terrible Romo-esque fate soon befell them: The Mavericks lost a fourth quarter lead and fell to their rival, the San Antonio Spurs. At one point, the Mavericks made a terrible turnover just seconds after the TV camera showed Romo, underscoring the vast destructive power of his Romoness. Romo also had a dip in during the game, and will no doubt cause millions of impressionable children to get oral cancer thanks to his example. Thanks a lot, Romo. UPDATE (5.4.14): Including the game Romo attended/cursed, the Mavericks closed out the series by losing three of four games to see their season end in seven games in the 1st Round. In classic Romo fashion, they were crushed by their rival in the elimination game. That’s going full Romo. You never go full Romo.

– – – – – UPDATE! … 4.29.14 … UPDATE! – – – – –

Wisconsin Basketball


When Romo destroyed them: On April 5th, Greg Anthony tweeted a picture of himself with Romo and said that Romo, a Wisconsin native, was rooting for the Badgers at the Final Four.  Then a photo of Romo in Wisconsin gear surfaced — a picture in which Romo was also wearing his Carcosa Hat of Death.

What terrible Romo-esque fate soon befell them: That very night, Wisconsin lost in the national semifinal, 74-73, on an Aaron Harrison three-pointer with 7 seconds left in the game. A very cruel, Romoian defeat.

– – – – – UPDATE! … 5.16.14 … UPDATE! – – – – –

Los Angeles Clippers

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When Romo destroyed them: On May 15th, with the Clippers trailing three games to two in their 2nd Round playoff series against the Thunder, Romo showed up for the game in Los Angeles, some 1,400 miles from Dallas. Even worse, he wore his Carcosa Hat of Death. You’ll never guess what happened next. No. You will.

What terrible Romo-esque fate soon befell them: ESPN’s cameras showed Romo in the 2nd quarter with the Clippers leading 39-23. Immediately — IMMEDIATELY! — the Thunder went on a 13-2 run. The Clippers still maintained an 8-point lead at the half, but completely collapsed in the second half in classic Romo-style, and ended up losing 104-98. Meaning from when Romo was first shown in the crowd, the Clippers lost 81-59.

Romo must be stopped.

– – – – – UPDATE! … 6.1.14 … UPDATE! – – – – –

Oklahoma City Thunder

Tony Romo Kevin Durant

When Romo destroyed them: On January 27, Romo took in a Thunder game and saw OKC slip by the Hawks by 2 points. After the game he took a photo with Kevin Durant, smiling while wearing his small-pox-blanket Carcosa Hat of Death. He’s a sociopath.

What terrible Romo-esque fate soon befell them: The Thunder went only 7-5 over the month after Romo met Durant, one of their worst stretches of the year. They managed to still make the playoffs, but were drubbed out of the Western Conference Finals by the San Antonio Spurs, getting outscored by 63 points in the series. In doing so, they became Romo’s final victim.

Or are they?

– – – – – UPDATE! … 6.16.14 … UPDATE! – – – – –

Miami Heat


When Romo destroyed them: James attended the Cowboys-Lions game in Dallas on October 27, 2013. The Cowboys blew a 10-point 4th quarter lead and lost 31-30. James and Romo also spoke again on February 18, 2014, after a Heat-Mavericks game. Here is what Romo said to James:

What terrible Romo-esque fate soon befell them?: The Heat went to the NBA Finals in search of “title No. 3” against the San Antonio Spurs. San Antonio won Game 1 by 15 points, Game 3 by 19 points, Game 3 by 21 points, and the clinching Game 5 by 17 points. It was an embarrassment so complete that only Tony Romo could have been to blame.

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Also see … 

PICTURE: Eagles fan has very Philadelphia Cutler/Romo sign

Cowboys restructure Tony Romo’s contract to make it a little less horrible

SP’s Dallas Cowboys page