New Jersey Unveils Alternate Jersey

jerseyJNew Jersey today unveiled plans for an alternate Jersey, one that will potentially be used on Sundays and for special occasions going forward.

“This new alternate Jersey is a unique take on New Jersey, in that it strips away the corruption, pollution and lack of culture that has long defined the state,” said Gov. Chris Christie. “We think it’s a bold, fresh Jersey that our citizens and fans will view as a nice change of pace.”

Despite the alternate Jersey rollout by state leaders in a glitzy, very New Jersey rollout press conference at a Trenton night club, many fans of the state say they view the new look as just a transparent ploy to make money from businesses and tourists. 

“I’m a New Jersey diehard,” said Jersey City tire shop owner Johnny Torrero. “And I want nothing to do with this alternate Jersey. Where are the strip malls? Where are the chemical plants surrounded by swamp land? We have always had a distinct look. Why mess with that? And the color change they want, going from the concrete and gray look we’ve always had to a bright green? No, thanks.”

Governor Christie admitted that the plans for the alternate Jersey so far are not beyond the idea phase and that state leaders do not even know how to produce an alternate Jersey.

“It’s something we here in New Jersey have struggled with for a long time,” he said. “How to make a, you know, place people would want to live and visit within the confines of our existing border. Basically a place that still is New Jersey but doesn’t have any of the things one would associate with New Jersey. It’s not going to be easy.”

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