USA Hockey Wears British Throwback Jerseys

jerseyJbritHoping to boost jersey sales off of their success run at the Sochi Olympics, the U.S. hockey team took the ice today in throwback British jerseys.

“I think it’s a good look,” said head coach Dan Bylsma. “And it should also keep us from being overconfident. It’s hard to feel confident in an athletic contest with the Union Jack on your chest.”

U.S. center Joe Pavelski disagreed.

“I feel slower and weaker with this on,” he said. “Less aggressive. And kind of sad. I realize alternate jerseys sell well, but I think I’d rather wear a Native American loin cloth.”

Other players have started talking with English accents.

“Incredibly annoying,” said defenseman Ryan Suter. “My sister went to London for two weeks in college and came home talking like Madonna. So fake and forced. I told her to shut up and talk normal. But just now Patrick Kane said to me: ‘Alright then. Cheerio. Jolly good pass there, mate.’ F—king phony. I don’t care how wide open he is. I’m not passing him the puck again.”

USA Hockey marketing director Kevin Clark says initial sales of the throwback jersey have been strong.

“The team is hot and people will buy anything related to USA Hockey right now,” he said. “For the medal round we’re thinking of having them play in Pangea jerseys.”

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