For rich kids who took their family ski vacations really seriously.
Oh, yeah? Not a real sport? This rifle says you won’t say that again.
Just some dudes riding a huge phallus. Don’t tell Putin.
Cross Country Skiing
Because people who are scared of heights and speed need winter sports, too.
Kind of like if a decent app game on your phone was made into an Olympic sport.
The winter sport loved most by moms around the world.
Everyone dies. At least we’ll look badass doing it.
Like the NHL but awesomely Bettman-free.
Pray for us.
Because it’s easier to be okay at two things than great at one.
Short Track Speed Skating
See tiny people turn, push, crash, celebrate. It’s adorable.
The luge is for pussies.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Whew.
Proving marijuana doesn’t negatively affect athletic performance since the 1990s.
You want to make love to our thighs. It’s okay. Everyone does.
– – – – –
Also see …