Report: Monte Kiffin the Father of Moron Lane Kiffin

monte-and-lane-kiffinDallas Cowboys defensive coordinator Monte Kiffin was hired before the season to fix Dallas’ defense, but the unit has gotten far worse and is now ranked dead-last in the NFL. Now come troubling reports that Kiffin is the father of the idiot Lane Kiffin.

According to reports, Monte Kiffin impregnated his wife in 1974, approved the birth of a male child in 1975 and then raised the child as his own, imparting the boy with lessons about life and football. Sources claim the that child is the embarrassment Lane Kiffin.

Dallas Cowboys owner and general manager Jerry Jones said he doubts the report but will look into it.

“I asked Monte when we interviewed him if he had any ties to the dolt Lane Kiffin,” said Jones. “He said he did not and that their last names were just an unfortunate coincidence.”

Half-wit Lane Kiffin hilariously failed as a head coach with the Oakland Raiders and at Tennessee and USC and made many enemies along the way, leaving him essentially a football pariah in his mid-30s. If Monte Kiffin is indeed the cretin’s father, it would explain many of his own failings as a coach.

“I think it’s true,” said one Cowboys coach who asked to remain anonymous, probably because he’s a ginger. “Monte has absolutely no idea what he’s doing as a defensive coordinator. He’s clueless. It would make sense that someone who knows nothing about football would have raised the ignoramus Lane Kiffin. Do we really want someone who taught the lummox Lane to teach our players? I don’t think so.”

Monte Kiffin refused to address the troubling reports.

“You think the imbecile Lane Kiffin is my son?” he said. “Come on. What kind of son would essentially fire his own father?”

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