6 Alternative Ways to Group the World Cup Teams

fifa-world-cup-2014-logoAlphabetical Classification

A-Be: Algeria, Australia, Argentina, Belgium

Bo-Ch: Bosnia-Herzegovina, Brazil, Cameroon, Chile

Co-Ec: Colombia, Costa Rica, Croatia, Ecuador

En-Gh: England, France, Germany, Ghana

Gr-It: Greece, Honduras, Iran, Italy

Iv-Ne: Ivory Coast, Japan, Mexico, Netherlands

Ni-So: Nigeria, Portugal, Russia, South Korea

Sp-Z: Spain, Switzerland, United States, Uruguay

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Countries Americans Can Identify on a Map Classification

Almost Definitely Group: United States, Australia, Italy, Mexico

Maybe Group: England, Russia, Japan, South Korea

Then six randomly mixed Can’t Identify Groups

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Alcohol Classification

Beer Group: Australia, Belgium, England, Germany

Wine Group: Chile, France, Italy, Spain

Liquor Group: Brazil, Greece, Mexico, Russia

Just Some Water Will Be Fine, Thanks Group: Algeria, Iran, Ghana, Cameroon

Then four randomly mixed We’ll Happily Get Drunk Off of Whatever You Have Groups

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Countries Your Uncle Thinks the U.S. Should Bomb Classification

Bomb Them Today! Group: Iran, Russia, Mexico, South Korea*

They Deserve a Bombing Group: Germany, Japan, Greece, France

Then five randomly mixed Countries That Better Know We Could Bomb Them at Any Moment Groups

Don’t Bomb Them Group: United States, England, Australia, Italy

*he gets confused about which is “the bad one”

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Flag Classification

Just Three Vertical Stripes Group: Belgium, France, Italy, Ivory Coast, Nigeria

Just Some Horizontal Stripes Group: Colombia, Costa Rica, Germany, Netherlands, Russia

Just Some Stripes with a Star or Emblem in the Middle Group: Cameroon, Ecuador, Ghana, Honduras, Mexico

Then five randomly mixed Countries That Actually Put Some Friggin’ Thought Into Their Flags Groups

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Countries with Women You Think Might Sleep with You Classification

Might Sleep with Me Group?: Brazil, France, Italy, Russia

Then six randomly mixed Probably Wouldn’t Sleep with Me Groups 🙁

Definitely Would Not Sleep with Me Group: Algeria, Iran, United States, really any country

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Also see … 

20 AMAZING Soccer Facts Most Americans Don’t Know!

A Xenophobe’s Guide to Hating All 31 U.S. World Cup Opponents