Patriots Activate Microchip in Wes Welker’s Brain that Will Cause Him to Kill Peyton Manning with a Hammer

welkerThe New England Patriots are set to take on Peyton Manning in another primetime matchup Sunday night, but it’s very unlikely Manning will take the field with the Denver Broncos if the long-game played by Bill Belichick and Tom Brady comes to fruition.

Broncos wide receiver Wes Welker, formerly with the Patriots before signing with Denver this offseason, is set to take down Manning with a brutal attack with a claw hammer. The Patriots reportedly had a microchip implanted in Welker’s brain before setting him free and telling him to sign with the Broncos.

That microchip has now been activated, and Welker will attempt to murder Manning with a hammer within the next 24 hours.

Patriots head coach Bill Belichick refused to comment on reports that Welker’s brain is being controlled to exact a violent punishment on Brady’s biggest rival.

“I’m just focusing on this Sunday’s game, I don’t have time for microchips that may or may not be in the heads of players who aren’t even on my team,” said Belichick. The head coach also refused to comment on the small remote control he was holding in his hand with the label “Welker’s chip.”

“I just hope Wes’ recent concussion hasn’t messed up any of the, you know, wiring in his head,” said Belichick. “You know, because I care for him so much as a human or whatever.”

Manning says he is not concerned about Welker’s planned attack.

“I didn’t get this far in my career by not thinking ahead,” he said. “There’s not a player on my offense whose brain I haven’t put a microchip in. I had Welker’s taken out when he got here. Belichick is losing his touch.”

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Peyton Manning texts Tom Brady pictures of himself throwing short passes to Wes Welker

PICTURE: Peyton Manning and Wes Welker look like over-35 rec league flag football players

(photo via)

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