Patrick Kane Finally Shows Up for NHL Season After 5-Month Celebratory Bender

kane brChicago Blackhawks star Patrick Kane showed up for his team’s morning skate today, the first time his teammates or coaches have seen him since early July in the weeks following Chicago’s Stanley Cup win.

“He looked a little tired and he said he was nauseous, but it’s good to have him back,” said head coach Joel Quenneville. “Patrick is a top talent in this league even when he’s hungover.”

Kane wandered onto the ice about 15 minutes into the morning skate, wearing one skate and a pair of boxer shorts. He then vomited near center ice, creating a frozen pile of vodka, chewed up pizza and stomach acid. But not 10 minutes later, he was flying down the ice with line mates Patrick Sharp and Michal Handzus. 

“Seriously? It’s November?” Kane said when told by teammates that he missed the entire preseason and first quarter of the regular season. “Shit. I had no idea. We were all at that bar together and then I lost sight of you guys and left with some girls and … it’s November? Damn. Sorry, dudes.”

Quenneville said the team will not fine or suspend their star for his long absence.

“If we suspend him, he’s just going to fill his free time by … well, you know,” said the coach. “And then we might not see him back here before the playoffs.”

But Kane said he is 100-percent committed to hockey now that he’s back.

“It’s good to get back out on the ice,” he said. “Plus, I’m really looking forward to the Olympics in Russia. If things go as planned, I won’t remember a minute of Sochi.”

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