Mayor Bloomberg Bans Basketball in New York City

New York City mayor Michael Bloomberg passed a new law today that bans professional and collegiate basketball teams in the city, citing research showing that the New York Knicks and Brooklyn Nets have taken millions of dollars from city residents in exchange for nothing but emotional pain and anguish.

“Enough is enough,” Mayor Bloomberg said at a press conference at City Hall. “New Yorkers will be happier and healthier without basketball in this city. From the Knicks and Nets to St. John’s basketball, the sport is hurting our people and lowering our enjoyment of living. But no more.”

Under the measure, put into law by Mayor Bloomberg and the majority of City Council, the Knicks and Nets will immediately be banned from playing games within city limits. Also, Knicks and Nets jerseys will no longer be sold in the city.

“I won’t sit by and watch citizens in this city fork over big bucks for jerseys of Carmelo Anthony, Amar’e Stoudemire, Deron Williams, Kevin Garnett and Paul Pierce and wear them around like those guys are actual NBA superstars in 2013,” said Bloomberg. “I mean, come on. It’s embarrassing for our city. It makes us look like we don’t know anything about basketball.” 

While many New Yorkers have embraced the new ban, saying they feel freed by not having to watch the Knicks and Nets, others say this is just Bloomberg’s latest infringement on personal rights.

“Who is he to say the Knicks are bad for me?” said one man outside Madison Square Garden wearing a bright orange authentic Stoudemire jersey. “This is a free country. If I want to think Carmelo Anthony is a top-five player in the NBA, I can do that. Who am I hurting other than myself?”

Bloomberg countered those arguments by saying that the risk is of current Knicks and Nets fans raising their children to be Knicks and Nets fans, causing the misery to be generational.

“Ultimately, this is about the children and the future of our city,” said the mayor.

The Knicks and Nets are both expected to appeal the new law, and they are both expected to lose.

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(photo via)

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