The Colquitt Family gathered for their annual Turkey Bowl football game this morning, but the game quickly devolved into an unwatchable punting battle of field position with neither side able to mount any offense.
“I love my sons and I’m proud that they made the NFL as punters,” said Craig Colquitt, the patriarch of the Colquitt punting family. “But, jeezus, picking up a first down once or twice would be nice. We’ve got a family touch football game going on with four current or former NFL players and not one pass was completed. It’s pathetic. It’s embarrassing.”
In addition to Craig, who punted in the 1970s and ’80s for two teams, his sons Dustin Colquitt (Chiefs) and Britton Colquitt (Broncos) played, as well as Craig’s brother, former Seahawks punter Jimmy Colquitt.
“Hey, I know my strengths,” said Britton. “I was raised to punt, not to run or pass or catch. And I punted well today. I did my job. Offensive production was up to our wives. Unfortunately, they didn’t have a good day. Maybe next year.”
Unfortunately, the Colquitt’s ugly Turkey Bowl game also affected the holiday enjoyment of their neighbors. After his team went three-and-out in its opening series, Britton crushed a punt that travelled out of the Colquitt’s yard, over the McPherson’s house and landed in the Crumpton’s driveway, where the ball broke the back window of Mrs. Crumpton’s Nissan Impreza.
“I don’t know how many times over the years I’ve asked that family to stop it with all the punting,” said Mrs. Crumpton. “Punting at all hours, balls landing in my flowers or on the roof. It’s ridiculous.”
In other NFL Turkey Bowl news, Howie Long’s family dominated their in-laws by controlling the line of scrimmage, while Olivia Manning had to apologize to a sobbing Eli Manning after intercepting him four times.
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