14 Things to Know About Brady-Manning XIV

Sunday-Night-Football-Manning-vs.-Brady-SSI. Seriously? We’re doing Roman numerals for this thing now? Ugh.

II. I mean, everyone realizes that of the past eight Super Bowls, these guys have won a combined total of one of them, right? One out of eight.

III. And that one win came against Rex Grossman, right? Rex Grossman. Rex. Grossman.

IV. And that even that win against Rex Grossman — (Rex Grossman!) — came nearly seven years ago?

V. And that while Tom Brady has won three Super Bowls, he hasn’t won any in almost nine years? The average NFL career is only 3 1/2 years. All-time great Jim Brown’s entire career was nine years. Nine years is an eternity in the NFL. There are functioning humans, 3rd and 4th graders, who only know Tom Brady as a playoff choker. You get that, right? 

VI. Oh. And that Brady and the Patriots haven’t won any since that whole, you know, SpyGate thing came out? That’s inconvenient for them, huh? But, yeah, they haven’t. That fact was not destroyed by Roger Goodell.

VII. And that since the 2005 season, Tom Brady’s playoff record is a rather pedestrian 8-7, including two Super Bowl losses as a heavy favorite? And two playoff defeats to Joe Flacco? Both at home, by a combined score of 61-27? Joe Flacco. And let’s not forget when he was outplayed by Mark Sanchez (!) in another home loss in the 2010-2011 playoffs.

VIII. Not to mention that huge collapse against Peyton Manning in the 2006-2007 AFC Championship game, when Brady had a 21-3 second quarter lead? To Peyton Manning, a guy with a 9-11 career playoff record. Two games below .500! That’s awful.

IX. Let’s be honest, the likelihood of either of these guys winning a Super Bowl this year in their late 30s is very slim. John Elway is the last 36-and-older QB to win won and that was in the late ’90s. Their primes are over.

X. Plus, do you really see Peyton Manning winning a Super Bowl outdoors in winter weather in February? Not likely.

XI. And you’re going to bet on Brady? He’s the 18th ranked passer in football this year. He’s only completing 58.7 percent of his passes. That’s garbage. It’s the third consecutive year he’s dropped in both passer rating and completion percentage. The guy is in rapid decline. His career is on its last legs.

XII. This all is not to discount the abilities of Brady and Manning. Really. They’ve both had very good careers and will deservedly be in the Hall of Fame. But Roman numerals? We’re equating this Week 12 game to a Super Bowl? Puke. All of the over-hype for these games just turns people off. Fans are subjected to some idiot, cheerleader color “analyst” verbally fellating them for doing basic, elementary quarterback things like not using all of their timeouts in the first quarter or not staring down a receiver. So instead of appreciating what these guys have legitimately accomplished, there’s a tendency for many fans to push against the hype and tear them down and point out all their flaws. When everything is over-hyped, when everything is THE GREATEST EVER or ELITE, truly great things get diminished and lost in the noise.

13. So, yeah, you’re probably going to want to watch this game with the sound down.

14. Of course, listening to another Brady-Manning slurpfest will at least be better than three hours of RGIII — RGIII! — hysteria that will be this week’s Monday Night Football. Vomit.

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Also see … 

Photo Gallery: The Most Embarrassing Tom Brady Photos

PICTURE: Peyton Manning is clearly planning something evil

(photo via NBC Sports)