With the Atlanta Braves eliminated just four games into the postseason, MLB commissioner Bud Selig announced today he will utilize the team’s highly attuned awareness of baseball’s unwritten rules to make sure the game is respected throughout the remainer of the playoffs.
“While I have no rooting interest as commissioner, it was difficult to see the Braves go out so early because I can always count on them to make sure the great sport of baseball is not disrespected in any way,” said Selig. “They are always on the lookout for any violation of baseball’s code of conduct, no matter how slight.”
But with seven teams still left in the playoffs and more than two full rounds yet to play before baseball season ends, the commissioner has announced a plan to place members of the Braves in every stadium for the remainder of the playoffs to monitor player behavior and body language.
At least two Braves players will be placed in each dugout from now until the World Series is over. Selig has empowered them with the authority to enforce game respect and unwritten rules via yelling, pushing and challenging people to fights while walking backwards away from them.
“I am excited,” said Braves catcher Brian McCann. “While I like playing baseball, what I’ve always really been passionate about is the game’s unwritten rules. With guys like me and Chris Johnson on duty, the 2013 postseason will go down as the most respectful to the game as any postseason in history.”
Johnson said he is not worried about being placed with just one or two other teammates in another team’s dugout.
“Am I afraid the other teams will beat the crap out of us because they hate us?” said Johnson. “I don’t know. Would you dare step to this?” he said, throwing a punch while positioning himself behind a locker.
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