Indianapolis Colts owner Jim Irsay moved the franchise to Cedar Rapids, Iowa, early this morning around 3:00 a.m. after drunkenly texting with a woman in Cedar Rapids who he met on Chatroulette. It will be the second time the Colts have moved in 29 years, the first coming in 1984 when Bob Irsay, Jim’s father, moved the team from Baltimore to Indianapolis in the middle of the night.
The latest move went public when the inebriated Irsay, likely drunk from celebrating the Colts’ latest win, accidentally tweeted out a message that he intended to text to a woman in Cedar Rapids.
“Ur so hot i want to be w u. Bringn whole team to seedr raps 4ev. B there soon.Xo me>peyton” the tweet read.
That caused reporters to look into the meaning behind Irsay’s drunken tweet, upon which it was learned that he also sent a hand-written fax full of numerous typos to the NFL league office that read, in part: “Taken CoLOLts to Cedur Rpaids Iawa. SUCK IT. Indyapolis = shithol. No HOTTIES like in c-rap.”
Irsay is expected to announce later this afternoon when he wakes up that the Colts have moved to Cedar Rapids. He is currently passed out on the side of Interstate 74 behind the wheel of a Sunflower moving truck, about 15 miles northwest of Peoria, Illinois. State troopers are knocking on the driver’s side window in an attempt to wake him up.
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