Despotic NFL Forces More Than 10 Million People to Watch Terrible Football Game

nfl-logoThe growing perception that the NFL is not a family-friendly sports league but an evil, greed-fueled, merciless, corporate overlord picked up steam Monday night when approximately 11 millions Americans were forced to watch an abysmal football game between the 0-6 New York Giants and the 1-4 Minnesota Vikings.

“Why? Why are they doing this? I don’t deserve this,” said one citizen, confined to a couch in an 18-foot by 12-foot room in his Colorado Springs, Colorado, home with little more to eat and drink nearby than several bags of chips and a six-pack of beer. “It’s just not right. I’m a human being.”

Sadly, the NFL forcing millions to watch subpar football was not a one-time thing for Giants-Vikings. Large swaths of the population also had to watch the Arizona Cardinals last Thursday night, while the league plans to essentially torture the citizenry this week with Panthers-Buccaneers on Thursday night, the Vikings again on Sunday night and the Rams on Monday night.

“Nooooooo! Nooooooo! Make it stop! Someone make my TV stop showing all of this terrible NFL action!” yelled a naked and bloody man, running down Fifth Avenue in Manhattan late last night. 

Yet the NFL claims it is not forcing anyone to watch its games, and that it’s “fans” are willingly and freely turning their televisions on to watch NFL action, even games that might not be marquee match-ups.

“That’s ridiculous for them to say,” said one fan, forced to tweet about how awful the Giants-Vikings game was and repeatedly check his fantasy team because he started Giants receiver Victor Cruz. “I’m positive I am forced to watch this game. The only reason I would choose to watch this would be if I have absolutely no other interests in my life. No friends. No family. No hobbies. No curiosity about the world outside of football on television. And that’s just … that can’t be true.”

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