A leading climatologist said today that while rising ocean levels remain a threat to hundreds of millions around the globe in the coming decades, the flooding of the U.S. East Coast would at least rescue America from NFC East football.
“Even worldwide tragedies can have silver linings,” said Dr. Raymond Brooks, director of the Climatology Research Initiative at Harvard. “And if projections hold, the home stadiums of the Giants, Eagles and Washington Redskins will be under water by the end of this century, sparing hundreds of millions from having to watch those teams play each Sunday.”
Dr. Brooks said Dallas is “unfortunately” too far inland to be consumed by the rising sea, but stressed that is only under current projections.
“If Americans decide they want to see the Cowboys swallowed by the ocean, as well, they could increase their carbon emissions in an attempt to raise the temperature of the atmosphere even higher, in turn melting more glacial ice and bringing the Gulf of Mexico over Dallas,” he said. “That would cause catastrophic changes to the American Gulf Coast, but I acknowledge that a lot of people really hate the Cowboys. It’s something people will have to think about.”
As it currently stands, the NFC East is by far the worst division in the NFL, with no teams above .500 — yet game featuring their dreadful teams are repeatedly forced upon the populace by national TV broadcasts.
“By 2100, things could change and the NFC East could be good,” said Dr. Brooks. “But is that any better? Think how obnoxious their fans would be if they actually had legitimately good teams for a change. No, it’s probably best those teams are covered over by the ocean and destroyed forever.”
Climatologists also expect that all of Florida’s professional sports venues will be wiped out by the end of the century, but the teams will have likely moved by then due to lack of fan attendance.
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