Texas Tech head football coach Kliff Kingsbury tried to quash rumors today that he would be the top candidate to take the Texas job if and when Mack Brown is fired, but the young and handsome Kingsbury may have only increased speculation that he will be heading to Austin.
“Look, this is my first year at Texas Tech, my first year as a head coach, and I enjoy it here and I intend to be here for the long-run,” said Kingsbury. “Now, sure, would my eyes look absolutely amazing with me wearing burnt orange? No doubt. Burnt orange and enchanting hazel work perfectly together. My eyes would really pop. Like, you have no idea. But is that enough of a reason to leave Texas Tech?”
Kingsbury then moved on from his eyes and talked about an orange tie he once wore on a date — “I’d say it was an off-burnt orange tie” — and how the date went amazing.
“So this girl was super-hot, naturally, right?” he said. “She had done some modeling. Maxim or something. Anyway, she takes me back to her place and says she wants to introduce me to her roommates … and out walk four other girls, just as hot, all models. And they start taking my clothes off. But here’s the thing, during the whole night — and it was hours and hours — they had me leave on just the orange tie. Nothing else. Only the tie. So, yeah, I have some good memories with burnt orange, too.”
The dreamy coach then asked all the gathered media to look into his eyes so he could promise them that he had no intention of leaving Texas Tech. But the press gathering was halted and paramedics were called when all the media members fainted. Yet Kingsbury continued talking about all the great shopping, dining and men’s clothing options in Austin.
“Did you know the finest tailor in all of Texas works in Austin?” he said, dodging a pair of panties thrown at him by an EMT assisting the media.
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