Miami Dolphins: Miami Heat fans.
Minnesota Vikings: Depressed Eskimos with Scandinavian names.
New England Patriots: Obnoxious people with annoying accents who believe football was invented in 2001 and that all of their many playoff losses are due to horrible calls, yet at the same time feel SpyGate was a non-issue that everyone should get over already.
New Orleans Saints: Mardi Gras dancers.
New York Giants: Obnoxious, arrogant, loud — every negative perception of New York/New Jersey residents.
New York Jets: Obnoxious arrogant, loud — every negative perception of New York/New Jersey residents, and also poor.
Oakland Raiders: Felons in Halloween costumes.
Philadelphia Eagles: Everything that is wrong with humanity.
Pittsburgh Steelers: An odd mix of steel workers and West Virginia hill people who are so dumb they believe small, yellow towels are intimidating.
San Diego Chargers: Sun-drenched people who take in a football game now and again when they’re not surfing or working as a lifeguard.
San Francisco 49ers: Bandwagon fans of the West Coast who disappeared for much of the last 15 years.
Seattle Seahawks: Rain people who are oddly proud about being considered as the 12th member of a franchise that is historically a loser.
St. Louis Rams: People who sometimes wear a Rams jersey when their Cardinals stuff is in the wash.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Retirees who would be more into football if they weren’t busy also ignoring the Rays and Lightning.
Tennessee Titans: Aspiring country singers working on a song about losing.
Washington Redskins: Suburban trash who stupidly pay most of their income to Dan Snyder to root on a mediocre team year after year and think a racist team name and logo should be overlooked because they’ve invested thousands of dollars in jerseys and t-shirts and beer koozies.