The 25 Smallest Storylines Entering the 2013 NFL Season

nfl-logo1. Can Chip Kelly get all of his mail forwarded to his new home in Philadelphia? Some of his magazines are still going to his Oregon residence.

2. What’s the deal with Colin Kaepernicks’ DirecTV remote? Is the remote going bad or is the receiver box messed up and not picking up the remote’s signal anymore? Either way, it’s annoying.

3. Ed Dickson’s cat needs to get spayed. When to schedule that?

4. Should Jake Locker get that small wart above his left heel taken care of now or wait until the end of the season?

5. If 10 or so other guys ahead of him on the depth chart get hurt in one game, could Dolphins’ receiver Mike Wallace play quarterback for the remainder of the game?

6. Vine? Instagram video? Which is the best one for Dez Bryant to use on social media? Is both a real option?

7. Where’s the trash can that Sean Payton used to have in his office? He liked that one.

8. Why doesn’t the NFL have any players who practice the religion of Zoroastrianism?

9. Is this the year a Rams-Chargers rivalry heats up?

10. Should Torrey Smith get a car with better gas mileage considering the Ravens’ practice facility is way out in Owings Mills?

11. Is one of the interns messing with the thermostat in the Titans front office?

12. Why hasn’t anyone made a parody Twitter account dedicated to Steelers backup quarterback Bruce Gradkowski?

13. What does commissioner Roger Goodell think about the announced end of the HBO series “True Blood”?

14. Could Sebastian Janikowski play in the NBA?

15. Weight loss is good, but is Rex Ryan eating healthy foods or just eating less?

16. Would Jordy Nelson make an attractive woman?

17. Is it time for the NFL to get an official oatmeal sponsor?

18. Can RG3 beat his high score in Candy Crush? (Editor’s Note: This is wrong. Everything about RG3 is IMPORTANT and INTERESTING.)

19. Is the dryer in Philip Rivers’ house eating socks or what?

20. Why has there not been a study looking into whether CTE is really caused by drinking lots of Gatorade over a period of years?

20. When is the last time the Panthers had a fire drill for their front office employees? 

21. Should the Raiders try to come up with some plays that could somehow utilize the dirt baseball diamond surface that’s on their home field until October?

22. Does NFL referee Gene Steratore enjoy graphic novels?

23. Stuff about the Pro Bowl.

24. The Jacksonville Jaguars.

25. What’s the point of it all?

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Also see: Why All of Your NFL Fantasy Picks Suck