Bill Belichick Apologizes to Wes Welker: “I would have been nicer if I knew he was such a sensitive pussy”

BB_pkg_031913_CSNNE1500kMP4_640x360_22644291737New England Patriots head coach Bill Belichick said today he wants to “sincerely apologize” if he did anything during Wes Welker’s six years with the team that hurt the receiver’s feelings. Welker expressed this week to Sports Illustrated that Belichick had been mean to him.

“I had no idea the little fella was such a delicate flower,” Belichick told reporters today. “If he was here right now, I’d pat him on top of his head and say: ‘I truly hope I didn’t hurt your feelings, chief.’ It’s just that I’m used to dealing with grown men. I’m not used to the fragile psyches of small boys. If his mom wants to call me so I can apologize for mistreating her special little guy, I will definitely do that.”

Belichick then called his team around and addressed them.

“Men, it turns out I hurt Wes Welker’s feelings when he was here,” he said. “Do you remember him? The tiny pussy that used to drop passes in playoff games? Him. So let me ask this now: Do any of you feel the same way? Do you feel like I’m being hard on you or negatively impacting your self-esteem? If so, please feel free to leave the team now. I’ll help you pack up. I wouldn’t want your precious lil’ hands to get callouses.”

Welker was later told of his coaches apology and said he “greatly appreciated it,” but then was informed that Belichick may have been sarcastic in his statement. The pint-sized Denver pass catcher then ran off the practice field and bawled on the bench for, like, 45 minutes until he fell asleep in an adorable little pile.

(photo via)

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