Authorities Call Lack of Recent Crimes by Florida Gators “Suspicious”

florida gators logoLaw enforcement officials in Florida and throughout the nation say they are on high alert due to the recent lack of criminal activity by current and former Florida Gators football players.

“It’s concerning,” said FBI director Robert Mueller. “There are two options here: they are either committing crimes and we’re not catching them or they have gone silent for a bit while they plan something huge. Either one is not positive.”

Asked by a reporter if a third option could be that Florida Gators have simply stopped committing crimes, Director Mueller laughed and said: “Come on. Be reasonable. We here at the Bureau don’t deal in make-believe.”

Former Gators wide receiver Riley Cooper caused a stir two weeks ago when a video was released showing him using a racial slur at a country music concert, but that incident did not involve law enforcement.

“That video got a lot of attention, but being a racist isn’t a crime,” said Frank Noonan, commissioner of the Pennsylvania State Police. “In fact, that’s what I found so suspicious. It was almost like Cooper was trying to create a diversion. You know, draw some attention so some other Gators could do something much bigger. I think it was a false flag event.”

Officials urge citizens to keep an eye out for any suspicious activity by anyone wearing Florida Gators football apparel and to report all such activity to their local Florida Gators crimes investigation unit.

“The question is not if they will strike again, but when,” said the FBI’s Mueller.