The 10 Most Disgusting Eating Competitions

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Stuffed Quahog Eating Contest

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What: Contestants must eat as many stuffed quahogs — AKA stuffed clams — as possible in 90 seconds.

Where: Cape Cod, Massachusetts

Winnings: gift certificate, t-shirt, picture on the wall

Why, God? Why?: Clams look disgusting. They stink. And they have the consistency of chewing your own tongue. While a 90-second contest isn’t long, most people need more time than that to even get up the courage to try to eat what is essentially a sandy, rubber vagina.

World’s Pig Feet Eating Championships

What: Competitors try to eat the most pigs feet, in pounds, in 10 minutes.

Where: New Jersey State Fair (in 2007)

Winnings: $750 to 1st Place

Why, God? Why?: Pigs are seen as the filthiest animal. So why gorge on the part of the pig body that has been walking around and marinating in its own pig feces every day of its pig life? Plus, we’re talking New Jersey farm pig filth. That pig feces is probably radioactive.

World CheeseSteak Eating Championship

What: Contestants shove 6-inch cheese steaks into their mouths for 10 minutes.

Where: Dorney Park, Pennsylvania

Winnings: $1,500 for 1st Place

Why, God? Why: Cheese steaks were created for morbidly obese people who don’t give a crap about their appearance. But holding a 10-minute contest with a cash prize lessens the efforts of those who have dedicated their entire lives to eating cheese steaks each day in order to get to their current tonnage.

World Cupcake Eating Championship

What: 8 minutes, as many cupcakes (with frosting) as possible. The record is 42.

Where: Waterloo, New York

Winnings: $1,500 to 1st Place

Why, God? Why?: Why take a good thing, like cupcakes, and ruin it? Chances are your dad conceived of this competition after he made you smoke that whole pack of cigarettes he caught you with when you were 13.

La Costeña Jalapeno Eating Championship

What: Competitors have 8 minutes to eat as many whole jalepenos as possible. The current record is 275.

Where: San Antonio

Winnings: $3,000 for 1st Place

Why, God? Why?: None of these contests are healthy. But competing in this one seems more like a suicide attempt. Someone do something. These people are crying out for help. (They’re also literally crying because they just ate, like, 200 jalapenos.)

Acme Oyster Eating World Championship

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What: Competitors eat as many oysters on the half shell as possible in 8 minutes. The event record is 444.

Where: New Orleans

Winnings: $1,750 total cash purse

Why, God? Why?: Oysters: for when clams don’t taste enough like a rubbery vagina for you.

World Famous Vidalia Onion-Eating Contest

What: Competitors down as many whole, raw onions as they can in 3 minutes.

Where: Vidalia, Georgia

Winnings: $100 for 1st Place

Why, God? Why?: This contest actually has age groups — 6 to 11, 12 to 16 and 17 and older. Although the first two age groups are probably just part of a police sting operation to nab unfit parents who would put their children in an onion-eating competition.

World Poutine Eating Championships
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What: Poutine, a dish of French fries and cheese curd covered in gravy, is devoured over a 10-minute period.

Where: Toronto

Winnings: $750 for 1st Place

Why, God? Why?: Poutine is a dish that needs description. I’m pretty sure a basic rule of health is: “Don’t enter a competitive eating contest in which you eat massive amounts of something you can’t even identify.”

World Catfish Eating Championship

What: Competitors have 10 minutes to eat as much fried catfish in pounds as possible.

Where: Davenport, Iowa

Winnings: $1,000 for 1st Place

Why, God? Why?: The record is 7.5 pounds of catfish in 10 minutes by Pat “Deep Dish” Bertoletti. Had those been goldfish instead of catfish, he’d be admitted to any college fraternity in the country.

Nathan’s International Hot Dog Eating Contest

What: Competitors eat as many hot dogs as they can in 10 minutes.

Where: Brooklyn

Winnings: $10,000 for 1st Place

Why, God? Why?: We all know what goes into hot dogs. And, sure, if you just eat one, maybe you only get trace amounts of cow snout and anus. But if you put down 60-plus? That’s pounds of unidentifiable meat. You may as well just eat at Taco Bell.

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