Texas A&M quarterback Johnny Manziel apologized today to head coach Kevin Sumlin and other members of the Aggie coaching staff for an incident which led to him being sent home early from the Manning passing camp last weekend.
“I know I represent Texas A&M everywhere I go and I take that responsibility seriously,” Manziel said. “For me to be all shitfaced and hungover is not acceptable, especially considering how much drinking experience I have. From now on, I promise to fulfill all of my obligations no matter how much I want to just sleep in or spend all day puking. It was embarrassing for me to look like I’m not an accomplished drinker.”
Sumlin said he appreciated Manziel’s comments and sees them as a sign of his quarterback’s growing maturity.
“Last time I talked to him and suggested that he tone things down, he just made a wanking motion at me in between doing body shots off my secretary,” said Sumlin. “So this seems like a bit of a breakthrough.”
Going forward, Manziel said he will strive to represent “all that Texas A&M stands for” in public settings “as long as there is an open bar and hot chicks there. I’ll meet anyone halfway.”
The reigning Heisman winner also said that he was “simply joking around” when he gave Eli Manning an atomic wedgie and then put a pile of feces in his shoes.
“I assumed the guy could take a joke,” said Manziel. “I didn’t know he was a whiny pussy. My fault there.”