Greg Oden Reportedly to Decide Between Heat, Spurs, Pelicans, Euthanasia

Greg Oden facebookFormer No. 1 overall pick and current free agent Greg Oden has concluded his workouts for NBA teams and is now reportedly set to decide between the Miami Heat, San Antonio Spurs, New Orleans Pelicans and just mercifully ending it all.

“Greg hasn’t been on the court since 2009, so he wants to take some time to make the best decision for his future,” said Mike Conley, the center’s agent. “The Heat obviously give him a great chance to win a ring. The Spurs do, too, and he can learn from Tim Duncan. We see the Pelicans as an opportunity to help build an eventual title contender. And then there’s just moving past all of the pain and heartbreak and slipping into eternal slumber.”

Oden’s career has been a huge disappoint due to repeated injuries. It’s because the former Ohio State star has had so little control in how his career has gone that he wants to control the situation now.

“Right now Greg feels as good as he’s felt since he was in college,” said Conley. “But let’s be honest, as depressing as that can be when it comes to Greg’s career: the chances he stays healthy and plays even one full season are almost nil. So is it better to sign with a team and get full of hope again only to see it all fall apart again? Or, you know, talk to a European doctor about … options. That’s a decision only Greg can make.”

Conley says he hopes Oden doesn’t choose euthanasia “because while not getting to play the sport he loves, he’s still extremely wealthy. There are worse things in life than having to lay on exotic beaches your whole life because your knees ache.”

Heat president Pat Riley says he thinks signing with Miami will give Oden the “best of both worlds.”

“He would get to play with a winner and also get the feeling of dying a little inside by becoming a member of the Heat,” said Riley.

(image via Oden’s Facebook)

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