Aaron Hernandez Finally Admits That Urban Meyer Killed All Those Guys


Former New England Patriots and Florida Gators tight end Aaron Hernandez admitted to prosecutors in Rhode Island today that Urban Meyer, his former Gators head coach, is really the man behind the many murders surrounding Hernandez.

“It’s what we’ve expected all along,” said a source in the district attorney’s office. “I mean, we’ve all heard the stories about what kind of program Urban Meyer runs. That he would have done these murders is not remotely surprising. You know how things are in the SEC.”

Hernandez and his lead attorney met with prosecutors this morning and upon admitting the truth, the tight end was immediately released from custody and cleared of all charges.

“Aaron didn’t admit the truth initially because he wanted to support his coach and not blow the cover off of the whole Florida program,” said Michael Fee, the player’s attorney. “But faced with life in prison and the end of his career or possibly even the death penalty, he had to speak up.”

It is unlikely Meyer will get charged with the murders — “because these big-time coaches get away with everything,” said a police source — but the cases are now considered to be closed.

“Sure, all of the physical and circumstantial evidence says Hernandez is the murderer, but that’s how nefarious someone like Urban Meyer is,” said a North Attleborough police source. “He no doubt has been getting away with murders for years, so he has plenty of practice.”

Meyer is likely to blame for most murders in Utah, Florida and Ohio in recent years, say law enforcement officers familiar with his programs.

“If he doesn’t pull the trigger himself, he virtually does by giving these kids second and third chances all the time,” said a former Gainesville detective. “If you kick a kid out of college for smoking weed or getting in a fight, at kid will never break the law again. That’s just a fact. A fact that Urban chooses to ignore due to his desire to win and his all-consuming bloodlust.”

Los Angeles police also announced today that they are re-opening the case into the murders of Nicole Brown-Simpson and Ron Goldman to investigate a possible role by former USC head coach John McKay.

“McKay was O.J. Simpson’s college coach,” said LAPD police chief Charlie Beck. “You don’t have to be a genius to figure it out. Come on.”

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