10 Common Baseball Terms Used to Politely Say a Player Kind of Sucks

“Has some pop”

Means: “If the wind is blowing out and a pitcher grooves one, he can hit eek one over the fence. But if he ever hits more than 12 home runs in a season, you can guarantee he’s using steroids.”

“Good platoon player”

Means: “He can’t hit for crap against half the pitchers in the league.”

“Provides organizational depth”

Means: “He is going to be really important to the Triple-A team next year.”

“Is a free swinger”

Means: “He strikes out constantly and couldn’t draw a walk against the wildest pitcher in baseball.”

“Is a streaky hitter”

Means: “Enjoy the weeks he’s hitting, because he won’t be able to make contact for the entire next week. For pretty much half the season he’s completely worthless.”

“Is a great late-inning, defensive replacement”

Means: “He embarrasses himself with a bat. It’s truly horrifying to watch.”

“Relies on location”

Means: “This pussy can’t throw the ball more than 85 mph.”

“Can play many positions”

Means: “Is mediocre at many positions. He plays only if the starter is seriously injured.”

“Does the little things that don’t show up in a box score”

Means: “Does nothing that actually shows up in a box score.”

Late-blossoming

Means: “He used to be a huge bust. Now he’s taking a ton of steroids.”

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