For Hockey Morons: Blackhawks, Bruins and Their Non-Hockey Equivalents!

Blackhawks, Bruins and Their NonHockey Equivalents
*Zdeno Chara* = a really tall and strong tree, preferably a tall and strong tree from Slovakia

Tuukka Rask = something that stops stuff. Stop sign? Road block? Drain stopper? One of them. Pick one.

Patrick Kane = an expensive, award-winning bottle of wine

Joel Quenneville = the coach of a team, but the coach of team in a sport that isn't hockey

Claude Julien = the coach of team different than the one being used to represent Joel Quenneville, preferably one older, balder and chubbier

Jaromir Jagr = maybe like an iconic musician from another generation having a popularity rebirth while continuing to produce good music? David Bowie? I don't know. This is stupid.

Stanley Cup = like a really big Oscar award, but if there was only one of them

Mike Emrick = Gus Johnson

Pierre McGuire = Erin Andrews

Don Cherry = your grandmother's couch with the floral pattern, but angry

Marian Hossa = Ray Allen? Sure.

hockey stick = lacrosse stick

hockey puck = ball

hockey goal = soccer goal

ice = court/field

goals = points

Brad Marchand = definitely a chronically itchy asshole