*Zdeno Chara* = a really tall and strong tree, preferably a tall and strong tree from Slovakia
Tuukka Rask = something that stops stuff. Stop sign? Road block? Drain stopper? One of them. Pick one.
Patrick Kane = an expensive, award-winning bottle of wine
Joel Quenneville = the coach of a team, but the coach of team in a sport that isn't hockey
Claude Julien = the coach of team different than the one being used to represent Joel Quenneville, preferably one older, balder and chubbier
Jaromir Jagr = maybe like an iconic musician from another generation having a popularity rebirth while continuing to produce good music? David Bowie? I don't know. This is stupid.
Stanley Cup = like a really big Oscar award, but if there was only one of them
Mike Emrick = Gus Johnson
Pierre McGuire = Erin Andrews
Don Cherry = your grandmother's couch with the floral pattern, but angry
Marian Hossa = Ray Allen? Sure.
hockey stick = lacrosse stick
hockey puck = ball
hockey goal = soccer goal
ice = court/field
goals = points
Brad Marchand = definitely a chronically itchy asshole