Yankees Hilarity Meter: April 5, 2013

VERY HIGH

The Yankees today lost their first of what no doubt will be many road losses this season, getting hammered by the Detroit Tigers, 8-3, to fall to 1-3 on the season. Starting pitcher Ivan Nova — just the latest in a long line of young Yankee "phenom" pitchers who turned into totally worthless turds — got shelled, allowing 4 runs in 4.2 innings, and the abysmal Yankee bullpen took it from there. Kevin Youkilis, whose best season was five years ago for the Yankees' hated rival, led the "offense." Ha! In the fifth spot — a spot where, you know, good hitters are supposed to be found — the Yankees hit Brennan Boesch, who the Tigers, their opponent, released in spring training. Yeah. That's humiliating. But wait! There's more! Derek Jeter isn't expected back until May now. But the Yankees will toooootally be fine when he gets back. Last place teams are always saved by adding 39 year-old shortstops to the lineup, right?

Oh, and the Yankees' payroll is more than $200 million.

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