Rutgers Basketball Gets Commitment from Highly-Touted 5-Star Masochist

Rutgers Basketball Gets Commitment from HighlyTouted 5Star Masochist – Image 1
Rutgers basketball today landed the commitment Delonte Romar, a 6-foot-8 forward from Gorman Prep near Atlanta, and the No. 1 ranked recruit in the 2014 high school class.

"I think Rutgers is a great fit for me academically and I see them as a program on the rise on the court," said Romar. "Also, I am convinced that head coach Mike Rice will treat me the way I deserve to be treated, and that's like a no good, piece of shit, because that's what I am."

Romar had been considering Kentucky, North Carolina, Duke, and Kansas, but said he knew Rutgers was the place for him on his official visit.

"I remember he drove me over to their arena and I accidentally opened the car door and bumped the car parked beside us," said Romar. "Coach Rice got in my face and was screaming at me and he called me a 'goddam motherf—ker' and punched me in the neck. It was exactly what I wanted."

The high-flying forward with a smooth jumper and an NBA-ready body claims his psychiatrist says he seeks out people to abuse him because he doesn't believe he deserves love.

"When I was six, I told my grandmother that I hated her because she made me eat all my green beans at dinner," said Romar. "She died the next day of a heart attack. I guess I've always blamed myself. I deserved to die, not her. I want Coach Rice to remind me every day that I'm a terrible person who should never be happy."

Rice says he called Romar after the player made his announcement.

"I told him he was a piece of shit who made a terrible decision, which isn't surprising because he always does the wrong thing and always will," said Rice. "I could practically hear him smiling on the other end of the line when I said that. That worthless asshole will fit great here."