Notre Dame linebacker Manti Te'o says he is disappointed to have not been drafted in the 1st Round of the NFL Draft but thinks he at least understands why.
"According to my agent, all of the teams backed away from me because they feel I am a 'total and complete moron,' to quote him," said Te'o. "He said they think I'm the dumbest person ever and they say that's even relative to other football players, which therefore — and again, I'm quoting — possibly makes me the 'dumbest person in the entire world.'"
Tom Condon, Te'o's agent, confirmed teams' sentiments towards the linebacker.
"Wow. Te'o remembered everything I said perfectly," said Condon. "Probably because I spoke very, very slowly and made him repeat the words back to me and also made sure there were no shiny objects in the room when I was talking to him."
Te'o's stunning idiocy is not all that soured NFL teams on him, however.
"Him looking like a high school linebacker in the BCS title game didn't help, but everyone has bad games," said Condon. "The teams initially interested in him made it clear, though, that the real reason they don't want him is that he's a 'f—king idiot.' They all used that exact phrase. No one wanted to risk a 1st Round pick on someone who might up and die because he's probably too dumb to remember to keep breathing."
So sure was Condon that his client wouldn't get taken Thursday night, he told Te'o to not even bother watching the draft.
"I told him to go out to dinner," said the agent. "I think he just sat on his couch eating his boogers, but whatever. It's better than last week when I found him locked in his pantry with his head stuck in a fish bowl. I didn't have the heart to ask how that happened."