Kobe Vows to Start Week 1 of the NFL Season, Has Painkiller Dosage Lowered

Kobe Vows to Start Week 1 of the NFL Season, Has Painkillers Dosage Lowered – Image 1
Kobe Bryant vowed in a rambling, barely coherent Facebook posting at 4 a.m. this morning that he will suit up for the Lakers at quarterback for Week 1 of the NFL season.

"My man rg3 you do it i do it. It a bet dog," read part of Bryant's post, written just days after surgery to repair a torn Achilles. "My thrwing arm iz not hurt i just wil b more of a packet qb. never been mor motvated to win Supr bowel."

Bryant then went on to write several hundred barely lucid words about spiders that he claims are living inside his eyelids, saying eyelashes are "jus spider hands sticking out ur face. LOL. No lol: FEAR. I'd fight a bear b4 a damn spidr. Eylid spidrs!!! When u blink its them biting yor eyes."

Several minutes later, Bryant took to Twitter and tried to order a sandwich: "Hello. Turkey on rye plz .. no eyelid spiders on the side .., nEver them."

Lakers team physician Dr. Stephen J. Lombardo was alerted to Bryant's social media postings and immediately changed the prescribed painkillers and lowered the dosage.

"Yeah, it turns out what Kobe was on was making him a little loopy," said Dr. Lombardo. "He should be fine now. I've also asked him to stay away from social media until he's off painkillers."

Bryant was of sound mind again by late this morning.

"Sorry for my crazy talk last night," he wrote on Facebook. "Painkillers were messing with me. But Mamba doesn't ever back down from a prediction. Ever. It drives me. I said it, so I have to do it: I will start Week 1 of the NFL season. I've never been more motivated to win a Super Bowl."