7 Reasons Underdogs Suck and You Should Never Root for Them

10 Reasons Underdogs Suck and You Should Never Root for Them – Image 1

1. Everyone roots for underdogs.

Look at the wisdom of everyone. See the highest-rated shows on broadcast TV? See the albums that are at the top of the charts? See the crap everyone shovels into their mouths? Everyone is a moron. Your life's goal should be to never go along with what everyone does.

2. Underdogs are just pre-overdogs.

How does one become a hated favorite? By winning. If an underdog wins, they're no longer an underdog. The moment that clock hits double-zeroes and they're ahead on the scoreboard, you're beloved "underdog" is an overdog and you're nothing but a front-running bandwagon fan.

3. Rooting for underdogs glorifies failure.

Want to know the only way to become an underdog? Weeks, months, years or even decades of sustained sucking. Yep, the only reason to become an underdog is by having a long track record of failure. And now you're going to cheer that team on? You're going to put all of your support behind an outfit that was defined by stinking? You're going to reward failure over sustained excellence? Wow. No wonder the world's going down the crapper. You and your underdog-loving brethren are to blame.

4. Underdogs live off of that "no one believed in us" garbage.

Want to know the most annoying thing in sports? Winning teams always saying how no one believes in them. Shut. Up. You have season ticket holders. Fans at every game. Moms. Dads. Plenty of people believed in you. Every team goes to this well, but underdog teams use this line the most. The more underdogs succeed, the more we hear "no one believe in us!" and it's equally awful brother: "We shocked the world!" Make it stop.

5. Underdogs are probably as loathsome as favorites.

One reason people flock to underdogs is because they seem fresh and new. You don't know the names of their players or their backstories so you can pretend they're all super people. But what are the chances that's true? Most of the team is probably the same type of dickwads that make up the rosters of the favorites you hate. You just don't realize it yet.

6. Underdogs aren't underdogs.

Look at those underdogs you're cheering on. Are they running fast? Jumping high? Of course. They're world-class athletes. There's nothing underdoggy about them. Let's see some quadriplegics in wheelchairs take on Alabama's football team and then we have an underdog we can all cheer for.

7. Rooting for underdogs is depressing.

Look it up: Underdogs usually lose. All you're doing is setting yourself up for disappointment by rooting for them. Life is disappointing enough already. Sports are supposed to be an escape. Sports are supposed to be fun. "Well, I had a terrible week at work. I can't wait to get home and cheer on a team who's probably going to get the snot kicked out of them!" Why do you hate yourself?