The 25 Least Powerful People in Sports

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The sports world has many powerful figures. Roger Goodell. David Stern. Phil Knight. Scott Boras. But the powerful can’t be powerful if there aren’t nearby powerless to crush.

From more than 70,000 votes, here is who you determined to be the sports world’s most powerless.

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25. Jason Garrett

What’s most powerful about him: Not constrained by having a soul.

What’s least powerful about him: Has completely tarnished the value of an Ivy League education.

24. Athletes who don’t take PEDs

What’s most powerful about them: Have a clear conscience.

What’s least powerful about them: Lose all the time.

23. Fantasy sports columnists

What’s most powerful about them: Can spell “rotisserie” without looking it up.

What’s least powerful about them: Receive noogies from baseball sabermetric nerds.

22. Ozzie Canseco

What’s most powerful about him: Not Jose Canseco.

What’s least powerful about him: Not Jose Canseco.

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21. Charlie Weis

What’s most powerful about him: Appearance can make even the most powerful opponent nauseous.

What’s least powerful about him: Coaches Kansas Jayhawks football which, believe it or not, is a real thing that exists.

20. Gary Bettman

What’s most powerful about him: May be an NBA operative playing a decades-long prank on the NHL.

What’s least powerful about him: Is booed by his wife when he wakes up in the morning.

19. Congress

What’s most powerful about them: Popular enough to get elected.

What’s least powerful about them: Elected by a bunch of morons.

18. Wrigley Field janitors

What’s most powerful about them: Not scared of feces.

What’s least powerful about them: Covered in feces.

17. Chicago Cubs

What’s most powerful about them: Lovable.

What’s least powerful about them: Losers.

16. Feds trying to put athletes in jail for steroids-related charges

What’s most powerful about them: Hateable.

What’s least powerful about them: Losers.

15. L.A. Gear CEO David Gatto

What’s most powerful about him: Is a CEO.

What’s least powerful about him: Of L.A. Gear.

14. Tennis Channel CEO Ken Solomon

What’s most powerful about him: Probably gets good tickets to tennis stuff.

What’s least powerful about him: Always has to hear people say, “Really? There is a channel just for tennis? Enough people would watch something like that?”

13. NCAA compliance officers

What’s most powerful about them: Probably have a badge or something.

What’s least powerful about them: Regularly shoved in a locker by famous head coaches and left there for days.

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12. People who mop up the floor sweat at NBA games

What’s most powerful about them: Could use the mop handle as a weapon maybe?

What’s least powerful about them: Wipe up bodily fluids for a job.

11. Manti Te’o

What’s most powerful about him: Probably could be easily duped into believing that he’s not a moron.

What’s least powerful about him: Is a moron.

10. Danica Patrick’s ex-husband

What’s most powerful about him: Probably will get half of all of her future winnings in their divorce agreement.

What’s least powerful about him: Will get half of nothing.

9. Jerry Sandusky

What’s most powerful about him: Good at helping tear down a major football program.

What’s least powerful about him: Will burn in hell for all of eternity.

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8. Big East commissioner Mike Aresco

What’s most powerful about him: Hmmm. Was able to keep UConn and Cincinnati? Yikes.

What’s least powerful about him: New Big East logo is just a picture of Mike Aresco holding his head in shame.

7. Replacement refs

What’s most powerful about them: Forced Roger Goodell to negotiate with the regular refs.

What’s least powerful about them: Forced Roger Goodell to negotiate with the regular refs due to their stunning incompetence.

6. Peyton Manning’s offensive coordinator

What’s most powerful about him: If Peyton Manning were to ever get hurt, the backup would probably listen to him.

What’s least powerful about him: Entire existence is pointless.

5. Cooper Manning

What’s most powerful about him: (Probably) cooler than Eli Manning.

What’s least powerful about him: Sole claim to fame is that he is (probably) cooler than Eli Manning.

4. JaMarcus Russell

What’s most powerful about him: Has promising future as the CEO of a purple drank company.

What’s least powerful about him: Not even the Jets are interested in his services.

3. Miami Marlins marketing staffers

What’s most powerful about them: Have the power to jump off the home run sculpture to their death if they want to.

What’s least powerful about them: Have trouble convincing even themselves to attend Marlins games.

2. Mark Sanchez

What’s most powerful about him: Inspired a new word in the English language.

What’s least powerful about him: The word is “buttfumble.”

1. WNBA commissioner Laurel Richie

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What’s most powerful about her: Draws a paycheck without any pressure for her organization to ever be remotely viable or self-sufficient.

What’s least powerful about her: Has to go the rest of her career with “WNBA commissioner” on her resume.

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