Duke senior power forward Ryan Kelly has just weeks left in a collegiate career that has one major hole in it.
"I've never been hated like I thought I'd be when I came here," said Kelly. "I'm a dorky white guy who plays for Duke. I have a stupid hair cut. I have no muscle tone. I have an unsightly beard. And I produce on the court and I've won a national title in my career. Why doesn't everyone hate me? It's really annoying."
Kelly says he feels like he has missed out on the full Duke experience by not being ridiculed and mocked wherever he goes.
"Sure, I'm taunted during games, but so is every college player," said the gangly oaf. "What I subjected to is nothing close to what guys like Christian Laettner and Cherokee Parks and Steve Wojciechowski and J.J. Redick and Jon Scheyer got when they were here. Is it that I look too ridiculous? Do even Duke haters feel bad for me? Is that it?"
Duke head coach Mike Krzyzewski says he believes the drop in popularity of college basketball in recent years may have something to do with Kelly not having horribly tasteless things screamed at him non-stop by fans during games.
"Fans just don't know the players as well as they maybe used to and somehow they've missed out on the fact that one of Duke's best players is a mouth-breathing doofus," said Krzyzewski. "That said, Brian could help his cause a bit by taking more fake charges and grimacing and whining about every foul called on him. He's never done that enough for my liking."
In case it helps fans hate him more, Kelly also stressed that he comes from a wealthy family and that he gets good grades.