Dallas Mavericks: The only countries you like are Texas and Germany.
Denver Nuggets: You used to think the balanced Nuggets needed to add just one big star to become a title contender, but then you saw Peyton Manning play for the Broncos in the playoffs and now you’re very confused.
Golden State Warriors: You think Stephen Curry is so great you are even willing to overlook the fact that he has a blood relative who attends Duke.
Houston Rockets: You can’t believe how cheap you can get Jeremy Lin stuff on eBay.
Los Angeles Clippers: People don’t like eating dinner with you anymore because the only way you pass anything is by lob.
Los Angeles Lakers: You don’t understand why you can’t exchange your Lakers tickets for Clippers tickets. It’s the same exact arena, just different nights! Come on! What’s the difference?!
Memphis Grizzlies: You’re trying to get mentally prepared for the disappointment of the inevitable playoff elimination in the Western Conference semifinals.
Minnesota Timberwolves: You wish Ricky Rubio had used Adrian Peterson’s knee doctor.
New Orleans Hornets: Sometimes you wish the power would go out at Hornets games.
Oklahoma City Thunder: You honestly had no idea other sports existed beyond college football and high school football pre-2008.
Phoenix Suns: You think you’re starting to see signs of Sebastian Telfair finally putting it all together.
Portland Trail Blazers: You don’t mind never winning anything because parades and confetti are bad for the environment.
Sacramento Kings: You can’t respect a city that would take another city’s team. Unless Sacramento has a chance to take another city’s team in the future, in which case you’ll be totally cool with that.
San Antonio Spurs: You have a fantasy about dressing up as a courtside reporter and having Gregg Popovich abuse you.
Utah Jazz: Sometimes you still have dreams about John Stockton’s milky white thighs.