Notre Dame linebacker Manti Te'o told Katie Couric in his first on-camera interview since his fake girlfriend hoax was revealed that he is a chronic bedwetter who wears diapers because "I also poop myself a lot. Basically, I'm 21 years-old and not potty trained."
Couric met Te'o's statement with suspicion.
"Really?" she said with a raised eyebrow. "Well that's maybe a conversation for another time. But let's get back to the issue at hand. Your hours and hours of phone calls with a fake girlfriend who it turns out was a male acquaintance of yours using a fake girl's voice. What about that?"
"Well, Katie," Te'o responded. "What I'd like to really talk about today is not only by incontinence, but also my incredibly small penis. It has a medical name, in fact: micropenis."
Still Couric forged ahead: "I want to stick to the story everyone is talking about, if you will. I know the fake girlfriend is probably more embarrassing for you than your supposed micropenis and how you defecate in your pants, but this is what America wants to hear about."
"I eat my boogers," said Te'o. "It's my primary source of nutrition."
"Manti. Please. Stay on topic," said Couric.
"I'm a furry. I dress up in an animal costumes and have sex with other people dressed as animals," Te'o said. "I enjoy eating gum I found stuck to surfaces in public places. I clean my family's dog with my tongue. I enjoy the music of Nickelback. Anything? Please?"
Couric then shook her head and broke for commercial.
"We'll be right back with Manti Te'o," she said to the camera. "The man who will forever be known as the moron who had a fake dead girlfriend who was actually just some guy pretending to talk like a girl."
Te'o wept through the commercial break.