What We Can Learn from the Football Abilities of the Presidential Tickets

Football is America's game. It should help determine America's president.

Mitt Romney

What we Can Learn from the Throwing Motions of the Presidential Candidates – Image 1

Oh, sweet mercy. Look at this idiot with the abbreviated, side-arm throwing motion. Romney throws a football like noted moron Philip Rivers. Do we really want Philip Rivers running the country? Of course not. He can't even win the AFC West. He'd be helpless against the deficit.

And no wonder Romney wrote off 47-percent. With that pathetic throwing motion, he never has a chance of completing more than 53-percent of his passes. NOT ELITE.

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Barack Obama

What We Can Learn from the Football Abilities of the Presidential Tickets – Image 2

What the hell? Where is Barry throwing that pass? His weight is on his back foot. His hips aren't rotating forward. And he's locked onto a target in the upper deck. Look out! Inaccurate overthrow on the way! HOPE it doesn't get intercepted AND plan for a quarterback CHANGE.

That throwing motion might have worked in Chicago — but don't forget: Chicago knows absolutely nothing about good quarterbacks. Barack Obama's throwing motion: right for Chicago, wrong for America.

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Paul Ryan

What We Can Learn from the Football Abilities of the Presidential Tickets – Image 2

This dweeb is supposed to be the buff athlete? He is so scrawny, awkward and white, Bill Belichick might not even give him a tryout as a wide receiver. And do we really want to trust this guy with being a heartbeat away from the presidency? His douchebag weekend friends don't even trust him with the decision-making that comes with being flag football quarterback. Sure, let's give all of the power in the world to a 40-and-over flag football rec league possession receiver. NO.

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Joe Biden

What We Can Learn from the Football Abilities of the Presidential Tickets – Image 2

Biden actually looks like he could have played. Could have. But now he's ancient. Ever see an old guy try to throw a football? It's incredibly depressing. There's a weak spiral that hits you in the knees, a groan of pain and then some story about tearing a rotator cuff a decade ago. Not inspiring.

What if the fate of the world is in the balance because a giant asteroid is hurtling towards Earth and we can't shoot it out of the sky because our computer and weapons systems have been disabled by electromagnetic solar flares or something and the only way to knock it off course is to drill it with a football? You want Grandpa Biden throwing that pass? Of course not. But it's too late. And now we're all dead.

Thanks, a lot, uninformed voter.

Verdict

We're all screwed.

Just write-in Andrew Luck.

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See Obama and Romney debate sports issues …

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