Chicago Bears left tackle J'Marcus Webb was named "Sexiest Lineman Alive" for 2012 by People magazine today. It is the first time the 6-foot-7, 335-pound 24 year-old has been so honored.
"Tall and strong with enough girth around the middle to prove he doesn't take his appearance too seriously, Chicago's J'Marcus Webb has everything a girl could want in a sexy lineman," reads the article accompanying 34 pages of Webb photos. "And that face. Oh, that face. His bulging eyes look like they're peering into our soul. There is no way to resist him. We want to call a penalty on him for holding us all night long."
Recent People "Sexiest Lineman Alive" honorees include Nick Mangold of the New York Jets in 2011, Jermon Bushrod of the New Orleans Saints in 2010 and back-to-back winner Robert Gallery, then of the Oakland Raiders, in 2009 and 2008.
Webb says he was flattered to be named sexiest lineman.
"I never expected anything like this," he said. "Growing up I was always mocked for my looks. I guess I've really come into my own, at least compared to other linemen."
The towering tackle says he has a very simple daily beauty regimen.
"I basically wake up whenever I wake up and then I take a big dump," he said. "Then I go about my day. Some days I shower. That's it. I don't really do anything different than any other lineman. I guess I was just blessed with these superior looks."
Bears quarterback Jay Cutler says that if it was up to him, Webb wouldn't have been honored by People.
"He's one of the ugliest bastards I've ever seen. I tell him to wear a tinted face mask shield so I don't have to see his f—ked up face," said Cutler. "Oh, what? You're going to try to create some media controversy out of me saying my teammate is ugly? So pathetic. I didn't even talk about how he sucks at blocking."
Webb says he will now consider modeling after his NFL career is over.
"I've already been contacted by GQ: Obese Edition," he said.