Kansas Jayhawks head football coach Charlie Weis promised his 1-10 football team they are just a few years away from being able to compete for a national championship.
"I know things may look bleak right now," Weis said while addressing his team from a Rascal Scooter, a half-eaten cheesesteak perched atop his bosom. "We're going to lose our last 11 games in a row and our only win came against an FCS team. But trust me, you guys are close if you keep working, stay confident and now this is the most crucial element the administration fires me and gets someone in here who knows what the hell he's doing. Believe."
Weis speaks from experience. Just three years after being canned by Notre Dame for seemingly driving the program into a ditch, the Fighting Irish are undefeated and have secured a spot in the BCS title game.
"I look at that team and have a sense of pride. I built that team," said Weis. "I recruited Manti Te'o and Cierre Wood and Theo Riddick and Tyler Eifert. That was me. Then someone else came in and taught them how to play football because, granted, I don't know a god damn thing about coaching up college players. But where Notre Dame is now? That's what Kansas has the opportunity to do."
The former New York Giants, New England Patriots and Florida Gators assistant admits he hopes Kansas athletics director Sheahon Zanger doesn't fire him just yet.
"It's not that I need the money, I don't. I'm still being paid quite handsomely thanks to my Notre Dame buyout," said Weis. "But I would like to stay employed a little longer. I've been moving around a lot and I'd like to stay put for a bit. Look, I'm not going to be around forever. I mean, look at me. They'll have plenty of time to win a BCS title after I'm gone."
Sources close to Zanger say the athletics director has no intention currently of firing Weis.
"Basketball season started a few weeks ago and that's where his attention is," said the source. "No one gives a damn about football here."