Ryan Vogelsong's dominating postseason performances meant nothing today when the Giants drew straws before their Game 7 match-up with the Cardinals to see who would have to sit next to Brian Wilson. Vogelsong got the shortest straw and will have to spend his team's biggest game of the season pretending to be entertained and amused by the injured pitcher.
"We're a team. Obviously someone has to do it," said Vogelsong. "But, sure, I wish it wasn't me. In the high-pressure situation of a Game 7, nerves are on edge. I don't know if I can pretend to think he's funny. If we go down a run and he starts tapping on the top of my hat, I could snap and bludgeon him with a bat."
Vogelsong has sought out advice from other teammates who have had the misfortune of sitting next to Wilson.
"Probably the main thing is to pretend you are somewhere else and just completely block out his presence and existence," said Matt Cain. "Beyond that, I would suggest every minute or so saying something about how beards are really funny. Once an inning when I had him I would mumble in a monotone: 'Brian, your beard is super hilarious and your eccentric antics delight me and the entire nation. Please don't stop.' That usually kept him content enough that he didn't try to do anything extra to really get attention."
Wilson missed most of the season due to an elbow injury that required reconstructive surgery. General manager Brian Sabean says the team is hoping Wilson does not recover fully.
"Sergio Romo did a great job in the closer's role for us, he's better and younger than Brian. But Brian could still be an effective setup guy. However, if we determine he can't help us in any way, we're all more than happy to get rid of him," said Sabean.
"We would love to be able to stop pretending to like him. It's exhausting," Sabean added, as Wilson did cartwheels down the hall outside his office, yelling: "Hey, guys! Look at me! I'm being wacky! Guys! Look!"