Keys to the Playoffs for All 8 MLB Playoff Teams

Keys to the Playoffs for All 10 MLB Playoff Teams – Image 1

Baltimore Orioles

Will win if …

– They can push all of their games to extra innings.

– Their ace comes through with some big games.

Will lose if …

– Oh. They don't have an ace.

– They suddenly remember they're the Baltimore Orioles and holy crap we don't belong here we're going to get killed ohmigod I'm going to throw up.

Keys to the Playoffs for All 8 MLB Playoff Teams – Image 2

Cincinnati Reds

Will win if …

– Mike Leake steals the other teams' best players.

– Bronson Arroyo inspires the team with some pre-game motivational acoustic folk songs.

Will lose if …

– Pete Rose bets on them to win.

– They all just quit and go home because they can't stand being around Brandon Phillips anymore.

Keys to the Playoffs for All 8 MLB Playoff Teams – Image 2

Detroit Tigers

Will win if …

– Triple Crown winner Miguel Cabrera can raise his game to Mike Trout levels.

– There's not any running involved.

Will lose if …

– Being in shape helps in baseball.

– Calvin Johnson's Madden curse involves the entire city of Detroit being destroyed.

Keys to the Playoffs for All 8 MLB Playoff Teams – Image 4

New York Yankees

Will win if …

– Having most of the best players is beneficial in sports.

– This is truly the worst season in Red Sox history.

Will lose if …

– Alex Rodriguez appears in any playoff games.

– Everyone across the world links hands and prays as one.

Keys to the Playoffs for All 8 MLB Playoff Teams – Image 4

Oakland A's

Will win if …

– "Moneyball 2" is the rare sequel that is better than the original.

– Scott Hatteberg's fielding doesn't become an issue.

Will lose if …

– The team gets a horrible bacterial infection from having to play in the same stadium that filthy Raiders fans frequent.

– Joe Morgan's prayers are answered.

Keys to the Playoffs for All 8 MLB Playoff Teams – Image 6

St. Louis Cardinals

Will win if …

– The umps do a terrible terrible terrible terrible job.

– Mike Matheny remembers to switch pitchers constantly like Tony LaRussa always did so the other team eventually becomes so bored they just want to get the game over with and go home.

Will lose if …

– Any of their star players are injured by objects thrown onto the field after the umps do a terrible terrible terrible terrible job.

– The team has to miss an important game to attend Albert Pujols' funeral.

Keys to the Playoffs for All 8 MLB Playoff Teams – Image 7

San Francisco Giants

Will win if …

– Everyone tries that special milkshake that Melky Cabrera sent them for good luck.

– Everyone goes over to Tim Lincecum's place to just kick back and relax and forget about baseball for a little bit.

Will lose if …

– They get drug tested.

Keys to the Playoffs for All 8 MLB Playoff Teams – Image 7

Washington Nationals

Will win if …

– They are able to successfully resist the natural urge to hit Bryce Harper in the face with a bat.

– RG3 PLAYS FOR THEM! CAN YOU IMAGINE HOW GREAT HE WOULD BE AT BASEBALL RG3 IS THE PERFECT ATHLETE HE WOULD BE AN MVP OUTFIELDER NATITUDE RG3!!!

Will lose if …

– Their eight years in Washington, D.C., has covered them in too much sports stink to succeed.

– They rest all of their players in a savvy move to keep them healthy for next season and beyond.

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