Some of Roger Goodell’s 70,000 Voicemails
"You suck balls."
"You're the suckiest."
"Is this going? Did it beep? I don't know if it beeped yet. I want to tell him that he sucks when it beeps."
"I don't know if this is your real voice mail, but if it is it's great that you give fans access to you like this. Also, you suck."
"You better never come to Green Bay, Wisconsin. And not for the usual reasons most people don't want to go to Green Bay. But because we'd beat you up long before you got bored and left."
"Hi, Roger. It's Gary Bettman. Thanks for making me look less sucky."
"Asucksayswhat? Wait. No one talks to their voice mail. Never mind. I should have thought through that more. My mistake. Anyway, you suck."
"Hey, Roger. It's Pete Carroll. Loving these new refs, man. They're great. Also, please don't strip my team of that win. I don't think I can deal with another one of my teams losing wins. Okay, bud. Win forever."
"You really suck at being good at your job."
"Hello Commissioner Goodell. I am a longtime NFL fan and I am very disappointed about the referee lockout. I want you to know that I showed my displeasure by using several negative hashtags about you on Twitter. I also signed an online petition. So now you have to deal with that. I RULE."
"What's up, you red-haired pussy. It's Hochuli. I don't suck. You do. Call me at the gym when you're ready for me to curl your league back to relevance."
"Hey, Roger. It's your doctor. You have cancer. All over the place. Cancer, cancer everywhere. A ton of cancer. Call me the moment you get this."
"Whoops. Wrong number. Wait … this is Roger Goodell's number? Oh, man. That guys sucks."