Baltimore Ravens linebacker Ray Lewis delivered a high-energy motivational speech today to a man he saw eating a ham sandwich through the window of a downtown Baltimore deli. Lewis burst through the door of Merv's Delicatessen and went into his pep talk spiel.
"As a man as a MAN how are you going to eat that sandwich today?" Lewis said, clutching at his chest with one hand and pointing with the other. "You just gonna take some bites? Nibble at the edges? Or are you gonna take full-sized bites? Bites of PASSION. Bites of DETERMINATION and HEART? You need to eat that sandwich in a way that shows everyone around you the kids out there, the people in this deli, and Holy Jesus God above that you eat sandwiches the RIGHT WAY."
Looking up from his sandwich with a surprised look on his face, the man said: "Are are you talking to me?"
"Because we must strive for perfection in all that we do, ALL that we DO," continued Lewis, wiping at his forehead with a handkerchief as a crowd gathered around him. "For if we don't eat a ham sandwich in the right way, if we don't take in that sandwich and make it part of us, use that sandwich as fuel to make us better, then what damn good are we? What good are we as MEN? You feel what I'm saying?"
"I guess you're talking to me?" said the man, looking around at other deli patrons. "It's just my lunch break. I'm honestly just trying to eat a sandwich here, that's all and "
"No. See, it's so much more than a SANDWICH," Lewis went on, cutting him off as a gospel choir formed around the linebacker and began clapping. "God gave us sandwiches. God took a pig's life, milked a cow, threshed some grain so you could have THAT sandwich with that HAM and that CHEESE and that BREAD. And you trying to to tell me it's just a sandwich? As a man as a MAN how you are going to tell that to GOD?"
"Can I get this to go?" said the man with the sandwich, going up to the counter to get a styrofoam box. Lewis, swaying back and forth with his eyes closed, did not see his inspiree get up to leave.
"So I say to you on this day! That you eat your sandwich! YOUR SANDWICH! That you eat it like no sandwich has ever been consumed before," Lewis said, now dancing as the guy with the sandwich left the deli. "YES! EAT IT UP! CHEW IT DOWN! DIGEST IT! AND KNOW THAT YOU ATE THAT SANDWICH WITH ALL YOU HAD!"
Lewis' speech then ended when he was tasered in the neck by the deli owner.