1. No one likes Gary Bettman
2. Sidney Crosby isn't playing.
3. Maple Leafs fans are depressed.
4. Phoenix's arena is full of empty seats.
5. Patrick Kane is drunk.
6. Ilya Bryzgalov can't stop a shot.
7. No one is watching NBC Sports Network.
8. Rick DiPietro isn't playing.
9. The LA media isn't covering the Kings.
10. Everyone hates Gary Bettman.
11. The Columbus Blue Jackets can't win a game.
12. Don Cherry blames everything on European players being greedy and lazy.
13. Tim Thomas blames everything on Obama.
14. Russia best.
15. Nothing means anything until the playoffs.
16. Buffalo is hopeless.
17. The Philadelphia Flyers can't win the Stanley Cup.
18. Screaming at people who can't hurt you because they're behind a pane of glass is a ton of fun.
19. Hockey hair kicks ass.
20. Everyone wants Gary Bettman to get run over by a train, and have the three chunks of his body that still remain be torn apart by a pack of wolves and the wolves then crap him out and that wolf feces be set aflame by a lightning strike.