Olympic Pool Cleared Out Due to Floating Turd

Olympic Pool Cleared Out Due to Floating Turd – Image 1
Swimming events at London 2012's Aquatics Centre were halted today when lifeguards spotted a floater in Lane 6 during the 100m butterfly.

"At first I thought maybe it was just a leaf or something, but then I went over to check and it definitely was a big log of poo," said Tommy Holt, who lifeguards at the Aquatics Centre for a summer job. "I immediately blew my whistle and told everyone to get out."

Per Aquatic Centre policy, the pool was then closed for 30 minutes while the feces was fished out and the pool was treated with a fresh batch of chemicals. However, several swimmers did not go back in after the Holt blew his whistle with the all-clear.

"I've been working my whole life for this," said Canadian swimmer Mark Riley. "But no way I'm going back in the pool 30 minutes after a turd was in there. That 30 minutes sounds like a completely arbitrary time to me, right? I mean, there's no way the pool is clean in that time. I want a medal, but I don't want it enough to get feces particles in my mouth."

Riley left the venue to go to the mall with his friends. Some swimmers were also put off by the fact that the log broke up into several pieces when Holt fished it out with the pool skimmer.

While a review of footage from the race doesn't show which swimmer made the deposit in the pool, many believe it was Michael Phelps.

"He obviously doesn't care as much about this Olympics," said one competitor. "I could see him squeezing one out."

But U.S. Swimming director John Leonard believes a Chinese swimmer made the pool dookie.

"You know how Chinese swimmers are," he said. "Drug doping. Pooping. All signs point to them."