Denmark Shakespeare said it best: there's something rotten about Denmark.
Djibouti First the good: the name of your country makes people laugh. Now the bad: there is almost nothing else about your country that would make anyone even smile.
Dominica A recent poll of the citizens of Dominica showed that they never even heard of Dominica.
Dominican Republic You're more impressive than whatever the hell Dominica is, so you've got that going for you.
DPR Korea Oh, we get it, North Korea. The "Democratic People's Republic" part is just a joke because there is no democracy. Well played.
Ecuador You own the Galapagos Islands. Congrats on the weird animals.
Egypt The Great Sphinx doesn't even have a nose. Perhaps "Great" means something different in Arabic, like "hugely flawed and falling apart."
El Salvador Your capital city is San Salvador. We get it. You like the word Salvador.
Equatorial Guinea This is Equatorial Guinea, not regular Guinea. So this is the one that the sun bakes 365 days a year. Sounds nice.
Eritrea Country or type of urinary tract infection? You decide!
Estonia Is your country full of stones? Who knows? Who really cares? But perhaps you should have run your name by a branding professional before picking it.
Ethiopia Ethiopia is one of the oldest sites of human existence. Then humans discovered nicer places and moved away.
Fiji You are made of volcanic islands, the earth's explosive diarrhea.
Finland Get a tan, you clear bastards.
France Even you hate you. That's why you're all so miserable.
Gabon Michael Jackson was saying "shamone." Too bad. If it was Gabon, you may have had a shot at being relevant.
Gambia One of your biggest exports is nuts. So millions of people around the world are literally allergic to you.
Georgia Because the world was clamoring for a country form of Georgia.
Germany Outside of starting all the world wars, I'm drawing a blank on anything negative here.
Ghana "Ghana" but not forgotten, am I right? No, I'm not. You are completely forgotten.
Great Britain In a way it's impressive how long you ran the world, considering you're a nation of frail losers.
Greece Get a job.
Grenada It is against the law there for citizens to carry grenades. What kind of crap is that?
Guam Don't think that because the U.S. lets you vote in presidential primaries that you matter.
Guatemala You have the lowest median age of any country in the Western Hemisphere. Maybe consider looking into birth control.
Guinea Nice work on your miniature pigs. You know they're not even pigs, though, right? They're like rats that people don't want to kill immediately. Later. But not immediately.
Guinea-Bissaue Because the original Guinea is so impressive, there are all these knock-offs.
Guyana Your infrastructure? Deficient.
Haiti When people honestly believe your country has been cursed by a pact with Satan, you know you've had a bad run.
Honduras Your motto is, translated: "Free, Sovereign and Independent." Jeez. We get it. You're free. Not subtle. But free.
Hong Kong When it comes to living with about 7 millimeters of personal space, it doesn't get any better than this.
Hungary A Hungarian named Erno Rubik invented the Rubik's Cube. And so ends the list of great Hungarian inventions of modern times.
Iceland More than 1,000 years of history and you're best known for a lady who wore a dress that looked like a swan to an awards show.
India We know you're not giving us your real names on tech support. You are a nation of liars.
Indonesia You are made up of approximately 17,508 islands. Get the hint. The ocean wants to swallow you.
Iran Oh, really? Then why does your track team suck so bad? You being named Iran is like the United States being named Soccerland.
Iraq Fertile Crescent? You may want to look up the definition of "fertile."
Ireland Forget the horrible climate, the famines or the civil unrest. Your greatest sin is all the people the world over who think they can get drunk and belligerent at a bar because they're 1/16th Irish and have a clover leaf t-shirt.
Israel You have a wall specifically built for wailing. Sounds like a fun place to live.
Italy You peaked, oh, about 2,000 years ago. But no worries. These things probably go in cycles.